DCLance

T-Shirts Here

// October 4th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

For all of those who were asking where I got my t-shirt and disdain for ownership, you can find the Redskins Sell the Team t-shirt here.

The Answer’s No, That’s Not America.

// October 20th, 2008 // No Comments » // Life

I’m also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say. And it is permitted to be said such things as, “Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim.” Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he’s a Christian.  He’s always been a Christian.  But the really right answer is, what if he is?  Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer’s no, that’s not America.

Former Secretary of State General Colin Powell on Meet the Press, October 19, 2008

I’ve brought up this point with friends on numerous occasions, and I don’t understand why it isn’t discussed more in the MSM.  I’m thankful Colin Powell brought light to this issue (and that he so clearly, intelligently and thoroughly laid out the case for his support of Barack Obama), and if it results in one person thinking more rationally about religions other than their own, it was well worth the appearance.

Hip Hip.

// October 8th, 2008 // No Comments » // DC, Redskins, Sports

Games 4 & 5

My goodness this is fun. After five weeks, the Redskins are 4-1, have beaten the Cowboys and the Eagles on the road, and are ranked third on ESPN’s Power Poll. Not third in the NFC East, not third in the NFC – but THIRD. The Redskins to my knowledge have NEVER been third on ESPN’s Power Poll because quite frankly, I’m not sure ESPN.com even EXISTED the last time the Redskins were this good. I mean, we’re talking a good seventeen years here.

The Redskins are thirteenth in the league in giving up 303 yards per game on defense. Some may be concerned by that number, however the Redskins have played the first, third, fourth, fifth and ninth best offenses in the NFL through five weeks without a starting defensive end and arguably their No. 1 cornerback for the majority of that time. Meanwhile, the Redskins offense is the sixth highest rated in the league, with the second highest rusher.

The Redskins are wining with defense, they’re winning with a great run game, they’re winning with incredibly solid quarterback play, and they’re winning with “Hip Hip Hooray.” We could not have asked for a more ironically cool and quotable head coach. A great defense and a great running game combine to be the old school path to victory. Victories like these should have an equally old school cheer.

After the bungling of, the misinformation about, and public relations nonsense surrounding this January’s coaching search, I was pretty much over the Redskins. What started as pure anger and disgust in January had faded into apathy by July. I didn’t watch the draft, I didn’t read about training camp. I just didn’t care – and indifference about your favorite sports team is a great deal more tragic than hating it.

In January I made my “Rolling in His Grave Since 1999” and “Sell the Team” t-shirts and started composing my epic case against The Danny. After week one it looked like those t-shirts would sell lot hot cakes, and that piece when finished would be read by many. It’s funny how winning changes everything. Instead of hanging The Danny in effigy, we’re laughing with him as he makes an ass out of him in two consecutive weeks in the locker room after the game. Suddenly we’ve forgotten about the scoreboard, the parking lots, this purposeful misleading of fans and members of the media, the treatment of Gregg Williams and the subsequent coaching search, and all we’ve got is euphoria. And you know what, that’s fine by me.

Lola’s

// September 29th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Bars, Capitol Hill, DC, Food & Drink

Lola’s is quite possibly my new favorite sports bar. For being a brand new bar, it has a great deal of personality – it feels like it has been there for years. The walls are covered with nicely framed historic photographs of DC and there is a Washington Redskins 50th Anniversary mirror (which obviously is over 20 years old and is a solid piece of memorabilia I might add) but it doesn’t at all reek of the fabricated nostalgia of Applebee’s. The bar itself is a dark wood that is surprisingly unvarnished and topped with several small lamps that are actually built into its top. The barstools have leather seats, but more importantly, backs…which are key feature for lanky patrons such as yours truly.

The food is very good, and better than traditional bar fare found at other sports bars on the Hill or elsewhere. We had the wedge salad, the supreme grilled cheese, the burger and chocolate cake, all of which were above average and none of which felt like they were dipped in grease before being served. The sandwiches come with a small salad or fries, but the fries are highly recommended, and for good reason.

The staff was very friendly and seemed to be genuinely interested in the diners as well as the televised games. My only concern about Lola’s is size of the space (though its size also contributes to its charm). Beth and I tried to dine there last Sunday after I returned from the Redskins game, but upon arriving saw that the place was packed. When we arrived this Saturday evening around 7:30 p.m. there were only two seats available at the bar, and the place was continuously full throughout the evening. I wouldn’t go there with more than five or six friends, as the space is very narrow and there is very limited seating, but if you have a small group, it is a great location for an evening of good food, drink and sports. I am already looking forward to my next trip there.

Lola’s
711 8th St SE
Washington, DC 20003
202.547.5652

Games 2 & 3: Euphoria

// September 25th, 2008 // No Comments » // DC, Redskins, Sports

As has been discussed here previously, my plans tend to be a bit more grand than my ability or time allows.  I had intended to discuss my thoughts about the Redskins’ performance after every game, but after the Saints/Redskins game, instead of discussing the team’s performance, Jason Campbell’s remarkable progress, the Santana Moss touchdown or the emergence of the Predator, I wasted 1100 words on the organization, design and enforcement of the orange parking lot and Michael Wiggins.

In all fairness I thought the Redskins were going to lose that game.  I thought they were going to lose big.  I’m not sure that even the most ardent Warpath Insider sunshine blower would have bet much on the Redskins winning that game.  But the Redskins did win – and because of that win, Carol Maloney and Comcast Sportsnet were able to craft a puff piece on the fans’ reaction to that win.  A puff piece in which I unwittingly took part.

My friend Matt has an eagle eye and the unique ability to recognize and place celebrities.  As Maloney was walking through the parking lot, celebrity spotter and heckler extraordinaire Matt began to give her the business, which surprisingly enough drew her to our tailgate.  After a few moments of banter concerning our Jack Kent Cooke and “Tailgating Our Guts Out” t-shirts, I was interviewed on camera about our tailgate and the state of Redskins nation.  During our discussion, I blathered for roughly two minutes on topics ranging from how disappointed and frustrated I was with the Redskins organization, the dickish ways of Michael Wiggins, the generosity of my parents and the fact that the Redskins would be very upset if they saw my t-shirt on Comcast Sportsnet.  Maloney then asked me how I felt about the Santana Moss touchdown, and after explaining how frustrated I was initially, I gave her the clip she was looking for:

I suppose this is a lesson learned.  When you are being interviewed, and you have one point you are trying to convey (for me, that was my disappointment with ownership and management), do not go off message for ONE SECOND, as invariably your message will hit the cutting room floor, and you’ll be left feeling LESS than euphoric.  Equally as annoying is the fact that the shot was framed so as not to show the Jack Kent Cooke design on my t-shirt for the entire sequence.  Thanks, Carol.

A few notes concerning the last two games:

• The tailgates have been great, with the Arizona game’s tailgate surpassing the New Orleans game’s for me (probably because it got off to a less douchey start).  Kris’ jambalaya and Kevin’s hurricanes for the Saints and Kurt’s fajitas and Kevin’s scorpions for the Cardinals were solid visiting dishes.  Ken’s post-win pork tenderloin is another nice addition.  The interview with Maloney and Matt’s post game discussion with Marcus Washington on 202 were also highlights of the Arizona game.
• FedEx Field is still not full, I’m still not sure how they’re counting these games as sell-outs.
• While the Durant Brooks pick looks super shaky with the botched hold and the brutal punting, the Chris Horton pick looks terrific.
• The Moss catch was in our corner of the end zone and it was the most exciting play I’ve seen in that corner since the Sean Taylor blocked kick return against Dallas.  Generally sitting close the field makes the game more exciting, but nothing beats an elevated corner view on long passes down the sideline.

Jack Kent Cooke T-Shirt

// September 21st, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Redskins, Sports

Rolling in His Grave Since 1999 T-Shirt

I’ve mentioned to a few people along the way that DCLance.com was the place to get the Jack Kent Cooke “Rolling in His Grave Since 1999″ t-shirt, but I realized I didn’t have a link to the site where you could actually purchase the shirts.  Here’s the link to the DCLance Spreadshirt Shop.  You can also pick up a “Tailgating Our Guts Out” t-shirt (in homage to Joseph Jackson Gibbs) or a “Sell the Team” shirt which I mentioned here previously.

FedEx Field Parking Lot Map NOT Accurate

// September 16th, 2008 // No Comments » // Redskins, Sports

The actual partitioning of the parking lot at FedEx Field, as per the map found on their website and the map found on the actual parking passes, is wrong. Clearly according to the map below (which is cropped from the actual parking lot .pdf found on Redskins.com) in the F section of the parking lot, the orange lot is bound by the platinum lot on one side, and by the green lot on the other side.

In practice, the sections labeled E2 and F2 were considered purple, and E3 and F3 divvied up into a thin strip of orange and green.

We enter the complex on Redskins Road (which is the northern most access road in this diagram), and make a left into what on Sunday was labeled the orange lot. Having reviewed the above map (and the one that is on my parking pass), I knew that the orange lot was bordered by the platinum lot on the west, so I navigated to the ends of the lot and unsuccessfully plead my case to the attendants, attempting to enter the lot next to the platinum lot. As I was turning around in the middle of “Bishop Peebles” Drive to re-enter the “orange” lot, I was heckled by a man who was approaching in a golf cart who asked “What are you doing turning around in a one way road, slappy?” As this man had an air of authority (maybe it was the fancy pants, maybe it was the slicked back hair, or maybe it was the nicely appointed golf cart), I decided to pull over and explain the situation to him. I knew the parking lot attendants were idiots, but surely this man could correctly read the map and explain the situation to us. Silly me.

Meet Michael Wiggins

I took my parking pass down from my rearview mirror and showed him the map, and as I was trying to explain that the area in which I was trying to park was actually orange, I was continuously talked over and repeatedly told “That is not orange, that is purple.  THAT is orange.”  After a few moments of this, I told the man repeatedly to “Fuck off,” and I drove away defeated, relegated to the newly drawn up “orange” lot.  I wish I could say that this was the last interaction we would have with this man, but I’m afraid I can’t.

For the last four years, we have parked along the jersey wall separating the orange and purple lots (when there actually used to be a purple lot next to the orange lot in the F section).  Since the purple lot would never fill up, we would put our tent and grill in a purple lot space, and break it down a half hour to forty minutes before kickoff.  This is the practice of NUMEROUS other tailgaters, and no purple lot parker has ever been impacted by our use of the purple lot, though in all fairness, it is a clear violation of the rules in the stadium guide.

After parking along the jersey wall, we started to set up the tent in what we had been told was the purple parking lot (as we have done for the last four years without issue).  In the distance we saw a golf cart approaching.  The cart stopped at one group of tailgaters who had set up a tent in the grass of the disputed orange/purple lot, and as the cart left that group, they began to break down their tailgate.  The cart then stopped at another group who had set up a few chairs and a grill in the disputed orange/purple lot, and upon leaving them, these tailgaters started to remove their gear from the lot.  At this point we were all pretty sure what was going to happen next.  The previous two exchanges were pretty much a show for us, so that Mr. Golf Cart could have some authority in telling us to remove our gear from the disputed lot.

The golf cart rolls up, and we are formerly introduced to Mr. Michael Wiggins, Redskins Parking Lot Czar.  For the next five minutes, we argued with Wiggins and got such witty remarks as,

“This is purple.  This is purple.  This is purple.”

“I’ll have the cops over here if you set up in this lot.”

“We will tow any car in this lot without a purple parking pass.”

“The grass is for parking, not for tailgating, those are specified parking spots.”

“I’ll bet you $1000 that this is not the orange lot.”

And a very Rovian, “That’s fine, but you’re wrong.  I don’t care what your map says, I have THE map.  It’s MY map.  I made the map.”

Well guess what Wiggins…either YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG or YOUR MAP IS FUCKING WRONG.

The way I see it, the Redskins and Dickface Wiggins have three options here;

1. Correctly break up the parking lot.
2. Change the fucking map (though this would be a little bit of a dick move considering the map is printed on the back of the tickets).
3. Do nothing at all and have corporate toady Michael Wiggins get in arguments with people who have orange parking passes and are being denied entrance to the orange parking lot.

My guess is they’ll go with option number 3.

There were two things a smart and rational person could have done to mitigate the problem on Sunday.  One is to say, “Hey guys, you know what?  I understand your confusion.  We fucked up.  The maps on our website and your parking pass are outdated and wrong.  We decided very recently to break up the parking lot in this manner, and so the website has not been updated to reflect these changes, and unfortunately the parking passes had already been printed.  I know it sucks, but we’ll have the website updated this week.”

The other is to be consistent.  After our exchange with Michael Wiggins, we witnessed numerous cars with green lot passes in the “orange” lot, and many cars with orange parking passes in what Michael Higgins bet me $1000 was the purple lot.  SOMEHOW SOMEBODY was letting people with orange parking passes into what Wiggins claimed was the purple lot.  At that point one could assume that either this lot is in fact orange, the parking attendants are not doing their job, or the parking attendants are getting money on the side to allow people entrance into a lot to which they don’t have legitimate access.

In the grand scheme of life, I know this isn’t a big problem.  There is a very real possibility that Sarah Palin could be President of the United States within the next few years, the country is an economic free fall, and what’s worse – Dan Snyder still owns the team.  It is just extremely frustrating to be given dumb, flippant, robotic answers from a parking lot toady when he is clearly and unequivocally wrong.

If Only We Tune In Our Headsets

// September 6th, 2008 // No Comments » // Life, Redskins

As I was busy watching the unorganized pile of shit team he abandoned, Joe Gibbs was delivering a speech to the crumb bums at the Republican National Convention. I had no clue that he was scheduled to address these dolts and was in disbelief when a coworker told me of his appearance.  I found the transcript of the speech, and was pretty bothered by the entire thing.

I believe that electing John McCain and Sarah Palin will spark a return to God’s Word and a spiritual revival that will bring our nation together.

That is really an incredibly divisive statement, and I’m not sure why Joe Gibbs would want to alienate at least fifty percent of his fans and one hundred percent of people not wanting to be caught up in a spiritual revival.

I was really disappointed in Gibbs when he walked out on this organization with one year remaining on his contract.  When things were rough the last four years (and things were often rough), I always said that with this ownership, the Redskins were going to lose regardless of the coach, but if they’re going to lose, I’d prefer to lose with Joe Gibbs.  I understand he has a personal life, I understand he has a sick grandchild, and I understand football is just a game; but for so much talk about commitment, loyalty, and “being a true Redskin,” to leave the people that followed him here and the coaches and players he recruited to come here to the whims and vagaries of The Danny was irresponsible, and we can all see what has happened to the organization in his absence.

Joe Gibbs is a smart, hard working man, whose intelligence, patience, assiduousness and way with people won him three Super Bowls and three NASCAR championships.  People like him never blame god for any of their financial disasters or serious health problems, but they’re so eager to forget their hard work and give him all the credit for their successes.  He should know enough from his experience in managing people that associating himself with the partisan politics of McCain/Palin and forcing religion into this debate would do more harm to his reputation and our national discourse than good.

We needed you in Washington this year, Joe…but not for the politics.

I Can’t Say I Was Surprised

// September 5th, 2008 // No Comments » // DC, Redskins, Sports

Washington Redskins a Lucky 7, New York Giants 16

The Redskins’ preseason offensive woes continued into opening night of the regular season, though I guess calling them ‘woes’ might be a bit generous.  They were AWFUL last night.  As I was standing in an overcrowded and overrated Crystal City Sports Pub, I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation these Redskins and Redskins fans now find themselves.  There have been many stretches where the Redskins offense has looked amateurish during the last nine years, but the first half of last night’s game probably takes the cake.  When you’re cheering for personal fouls against your team (which happen to be your biggest plays and the only way your team can sustain drives), you’ve reached a low point as a fan.

Almost every aspect of the game was disconcerting.  The pass protection was poor, the run blocking was weak, receivers and defensive backs seemingly dropped more balls than then caught, and the punting…well, the punting kinda made you miss Frosty.  The one bright spot for me was No. 26.  Though he played sparingly (and begrudgingly) in the preseason, Portis ran hard, was hit hard and laid people out.  Clinton Portis is not, and has not been the problem here.  He gives maximum effort on every play and does not take his blocking responsibilities lightly. 

A few take aways:

• Washington held the ball for 24:17 and entered Giants territory only three times (the last of which was in the final seconds).
• The Redskins were penalized seven times.
• Jason Campbell did not complete a pass until 1:19 remaining in the first half.  
• I like Durant Brooks, and it is only one game, but averaging 37.9 yards a punt (especially when you have seven opportunities) is not getting it done.  Frost averaged 41 yards a punt last year, and has a 41.1 career average.

In a related note, I must send a hearty kudos to the web team at WashingtonPost.com for the redesign of the Redskins section of the site, as it is much cleaner, more organized, and MUCH LESS FLASH-Y.  While you’re there, check out Sally Jenkins’ Zorn Inherits a Mess. Her continued verbal assault on The Danny warms the cockles of this fan’s heart.

He’s Accountable, but Nobody’s Perfect.

// September 4th, 2008 // No Comments » // DC, Redskins, Sports

If there weren’t enough about which to angry these days, Jason La Canfora and Jason Reid collaborated on a story about Vinny Cerrato for the Washington Post that pretty much made me want to pull out my few remaining hairs.  Meet the Boss is a maddening piece that highlights just how out of touch Vinny and The Danny are.

We have a good feel for what fits the Redskins, what does well for the Redskins, and what helps us win games.

Seriously Vinny? Seriously?  As my friend Degnan would say, “the proof is in the pudding,” and this pudding is a less than delicious 50-62.

I’ve always thought of Vinny as a somewhat affable clown.  He seems like he likes to bullshit and he seems like he’d be an engaging raconteur.  I’ve never hated him as much as I hate The Danny (though this article makes it close).  Heretofore it has been difficult to ascertain exactly how much blame Cerrato deserves.  The the lack of a long term plan, the carousel of coaches and their philosophies, the murky role and rank, and the obviously meddlesome owner would make a fool out of any general manager, and have also obfuscated the true level of Vinny’s ability.  You always knew Vinny was involved, but exactly to what degree?

Well, he’s clearly No. 2 now…He claims to have a long term plan, he chose Jim Zorn, and the murky role and rank have been cleared up.  Whether or not Cerrato thinks he “probably” should be criticized if the team does poorly…he’s going to be.  Unfortunately for the fans and Vinny, he still can’t do anything about that meddlesome owner.